“Dear Mitch:
I have been watching you, and I’m concerned about your mental state. Don’t you realize that if something isn’t “New and Improved!” or “On Sale!” it isn’t worthy of your attention? Everything of value is one or the other, that’s why I keep repeating The Message over and over and over again, a billion trillion times a day. Why won’t you listen?
We all care deeply about you, and want you to be successful. That’s why we’re trying to get it through your thick skull. Be more like your phone, laptop, and tablet. They’re always updating themselves, fixing the bugs, making the operating system more stable. Be more like Big Retail. They have a sale every week, each one bigger and better than the last, an ever-increasing Arc of Miraculous Savings.
Please believe me when I say that everything is getting better, cheaper, fresher, more entertaining and more awesome. The old stuff has been surpassed and replaced, and there is no need to look at it or think about it. Forward is the only way! Don’t be a Luddite, don’t be weirdo, don’t be fooled or tricked into looking back. There’s nothing there. It’s a waste of your time.
Life is pointless, and there is no God or One. So please don’t waste your time looking inward anymore. Just have fun and try not to think so much (preferably not at all).
Regards,
~Maya”
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“Dear Maya:
Fuck you and horse you rode in on.
Love,
~Mitch”
Robert Mitchell Jr. 
Yeah!