I have been in leadership positions for over 25 years, from raising kids and teaching martial arts to business management and personnel coaching roles. One of the secrets to my success, as I pointed out in my booklet LEAD!, is pulling people instead of pushing them. Very few people are motivated by pushing, but almost everybody responds to a pull.
What’s the difference between pushing and pulling?
Pushing: “Did you forget that the deadline is tomorrow? If you don’t make that deadline it’s going to be a disaster! What are you doing to make sure that you’re going to make the deadline?”
Pulling: “We’re going to need to work together to hit that deadline tomorrow. What do you think we should do to make sure we do? What can I do to help?”
Pushing is like shoving a person in the direction you want them to go. Pulling is like taking someone by the hand and leading them toward a mutually beneficial destination.
Just now I saw a tweet (see below) and I clicked the link. In it, world famous life coach Tony Robbins talks about the three types of motivation — pushing, pulling, and incentive — and relates a story about how he used pull motivation to encourage President Obama to change his second term governing strategy. Not a huge fan of Tony Robbins, but this is basic stuff, and he got this right. If you’re not using pull motivation, your leadership engine is not running at maximum potential.
The same goes for martial arts. If you are not using pulling strategies in addition to pushing ones, you’ll never fully control the space in which the conflict takes place. There are three ways to get an opponent where you want them — you can push them, you can pull them, and you can draw them — and they all have their time and place.
On the mat or in self defense you can use pushing to your heart’s content. You are, after all, involved in a conflict. But in leadership, use pushing to your peril. People don’t like conflict and they don’t like to be pushed. They’d much rather be pulled.
At the top is my black belt. Beneath it is my yellow belt, which is more sacred to me than the black. Ask me about it sometime and I’ll explain.
The other day this video surfaced in the Cabal Fang Martial Arts group on Facebook. In it a guy openly challenges an instructor, stating that his black belt isn’t legit. When told that certification can be produced, the challenger replies that, certificate or not, the instructor does not have the skills to make the black belt claim. I viewed the video with mixed feelings.
In the end I sorted it out. Here’s how I got there.
There are three profound reasons why a drama like the one in the video would be very unlikely to unfold in a traditional martial arts school like a Taekwondo dojang or Karate dojo. First, traditional schools are governed by rigid rules and strict etiquette bordering on the Klingon-esque, including of course the rule that lower belts must bow to higher belts and be respectful at all times.
All of that structure is designed to protect, perpetuate and preserve the art. To call the black belt (or any belt for that matter) into question is to call the art into question, and that isn’t allowed. Putting the integrity of the art above the integrity of the individual preserves the martial art and its mystique. The master of the school may be quite critical with you one-on-one behind closed doors, and there may be a significant amount of pressure in black-belt-only training sessions, but in the open air, you are safe. That safety breeds loyalty. This is why, despite the incredible surge in the popularity of MMA, Taekwondo is still the most popular martial art in the world, and traditional martial arts practitioners still outnumber non-traditional ones.
Second, in traditional martial arts styles, it is understood that the black belt is not an end point but a beginning. The black belt means only that he or she has a firm foundation in the basic concepts and has logged enough training time to begin instructing others. Wearing the black belt is a responsibility that should be humbling, not a badge of bad-assery. Only in the minds of the uninitiated does the black belt represent a universal and unwavering ability to kick ass.
Third, in the world of traditional martial arts, it is universally understood that you cannot wear your belt, regardless of color, into another martial arts school. Each martial arts school, and each style, is its own ecosystem. In some cases, if you move across the country or something, a school may allow you to transfer your belt and make a parallel move. In the dojang where I got my black belt, the instructor used to make transfer students start over at white belt, he just let you take tests faster, say one belt test per month, until you got back to your old level. In his view, going into a new school is like transplanting a flower to a new environment. It needs time to adjust and bloom.
Unfortunately for the fellow in the video, whose black belt was unmercifully challenged, he was not in a traditional martial arts school. He was on a mat in a UFC affiliated gym. In that setting, where scoring and winning are king, and where the myth of the black belt is in full force, he could not expect to be protected by the same rules of respect and deference. When you step to the front of the class as an instructor in the setting he chose, you better have the expertise to hold the ground you took. He’s on his own. Or is he?
Flashback sequence. Fade out…
In 1989 got a black belt in Korean Karate (it was billed as Taekwondo, but in reality it was a blend of Taekwondo and Tang Soo Do). Taught kids and adults for over ten years at YMCAs and rec centers. Had my share of hecklers at demonstrations and big cocky white belts who wanted to give me a go. My “black belt” held strong through it all, that is to say that nobody challenged it in the same way that it was challenged in the aforementioned video. The MMA craze came and I held true to traditional martial arts for a long time. Until, at a martial arts conference, I met a guy named Gary.
Gary ran an MMA school in town, and I could tell by the way he moved that he could fight. Really fight, like people fight when money and skin are on the line. He’s a super nice guy and we hit it off. Instructor to instructor, I asked him if he’d take me on as a student. Now, if you are a martial arts instructor, you know that this just isn’t done. Instructors don’t want other instructors to steal their students or their secrets, and most instructors aren’t humble enough to ask. But since I was unusually humble and I asked, and because Gary is unusually kind and trusting and therefore said yes, I was able to take off my black belt and enter his school as a student.
Gary did not openly challenge my black belt, but he did make me take it off. And he did pummel me with twelve ounce boxing gloves. He did not mention my black belt, showed me neither favor nor disdain, and let me fend for myself on the mats. I spent six months in his gym. It was a fantastic experience. I was humbled and I learned a lot. It’s one of the experiences that inspired me to widen my horizons, and that lead me to eventually found Cabal Fang (and you should note that, in Cabal Fang, there are no belts).
In essence, what happened was that I challenged my own black belt. Every guy I wrestled at Gary’s gym “challenged” my black belt. There were BJJ purple belts that ate me for breakfast and boxers who seemed to know what punch I was going to throw before I threw it. Every time I dressed out I felt like a white belt. I’m glad I had the humility to know that I needed to be schooled.
The situation that took place in the video was an unnecessary and totally avoidable confrontation, a silly and coarse interaction worthy of the Jerry Springer Show. The entire thing could have been easily avoided if the the owner of the school had forced this fellow to start over when he came in the door, or at least done a better job of pre-screening (Gary and my old TKD master would have). And the man who was challenged, had he been more in touch with his own abilities and more aware of his surroundings, would have known that claiming a black belt in that environment was a bad idea (I would have).
In the final analysis, I gave this video far more thought and attention than it deserved. Now you have too. And for that, I apologize.
The Order of the Third Wave, an order of Cabal Fang, has just formed in New Zealand. If you are in the Palmerston North area, and you’re interested in practicing Cabal Fang martial arts, get more info here.
This is a big day for Cabal Fang and for me. I get several inquiries a year from people thinking about starting clubs, but few actually make a go of it. Fewer still stick with it for more than a few weeks or even go to the trouble of creating a presence online. The Order of the Third Wave has already proved itself to be made of stiffer stuff.
For my readers who aren’t familiar with Cabal Fang, she’s the martial art I officially gave birth to in 2009. I’ve written two books about her, and there’s nothing else like her. It takes a special kind of person to practice Cabal Fang, and an especially strong and brave person to start on order. Why? Because in Cabal Fang there are no gurus or instructors, only elders and friends. Each student of Cabal Fang is in charge of his or her own education. There is no one to tell you what to do, nobody to write a curriculum for you, no belt system to rank you, no uniform to set you apart. You have to bite your mouthpiece and wade in with courage.
Cabal Fang is my baby. The formation of the Order of the Third Wave is a big step for her. It’s like putting your child on airplane to New Zealand. You want her to go and have fun, but you’re a tad nervous about her flying alone for the first time.
But you know what? I think she’s going to be fine. She’s a powerful young woman, and she’s in good hands.
WEIGHTS (5 sets of 13 reps of Military Presses, Hindu Squats, Pump Curls, and Swing-thrus, rest 1 min. between sets); STANDING MEDITATION (10 minutes, knees bent, as few stances/poses as possible).
I just finished this workout a half hour ago and my arms are still so rubbery it feels funny to be typing. Enjoy.
The Thirty-Aught-Six Workout is in two halves. First half is calisthenics with added chains for weight. Second half is on the heavy bag.
Chains Half: Set timer to beep every 30 seconds. Put a chain around your neck that weighs about 15% of your bodyweight and start timer. Do as many Push-ups as you can until the beep, then as many Squats as you can until the beep, then as many Lunges as you can (while pressing the chain overhead) until the beeps, then rest until the beeps. Repeat 5 more times for a total of 6 cycles (12 minutes).
Rest until your heart rate is under 100, then start the second half.
Heavy Bag Half: Set round timer for rounds of 1:30 with :30 breaks. Punch and kick the bag with maximum sincerity for 1:30, and rest for :30. Repeat 5 more times for a total of 6 rounds (12 minutes).
What’s left of the Lärabar I ate on the way to work yesterday. Pecan pie. Mmmmmm…
Last week I was struggling with breakfast. Specifically, I was searching the web for a breakfast bar recipe. The ones I found were complicated as all hell. I was looking for a way to simplify my work-week mornings and save time, not for a two-hour food prep project to weigh me down every Sunday.
You’re thinking, “Dude, there are fifty million brands of granola bars on the market — just pick one and eat it!” My answer is that granola is mostly oatmeal. I have slow-emptying stomach, and oatmeal has a tendency to make me nauseous and gassy. Granola bars are out.
Into my internet search pops something called a Lärabar. Apparently these things have been around for over ten years, and news of their existence has not reached beneath the rock under which I live. They contain only fruit, nuts and spices. As luck would have it, they were on sale at Kroger, 10 for $10.00. So I bought a box of various flavors and tried them out.
Holy crap.
They are moist, bordering on wet, and they melt in your mouth. The fruit ones are a little tart, but in the best possible way. The nutty varieties are my favorites though. The pecan pie flavor is ridiculously good, so much so that I felt like I was eating dessert. They’re only about 200 calories and compliant with most every diet you can think of because they are gluten free, soy free, GMO free, Vegan, and contain no added sugar. These are perfect for the Paleodiet and SIBO folks.
And you don’t have to cook all day on Sundays to have breakfast bars for the week.
PTDICE (1/2 Pyramid to 8 of Zombie Squats, Jackknifes, Rear Lunges, Wall Touches); FITNESS RUN (As many rounds of Run 1:30 and Push-ups :30 as it takes to cover 1/3 your max comfortable running distance). #cabalfang #WOD
White Monkey Holding Peach Balm. One of my favorite rubs. And one of my favorite product names.
The working title of my next book is Mettlecraft: Guts, Grit, and Mastery for Martial Artists. It’s going to be the definitive how-to book for martial artists on how to get tough inside and out, including body hardening of hands and shins, meditation exercises, training tips and guides, how to maintain focus, how to fuel your determination engine, and so forth.
So I thought I’d give you a little teaser, starting with a little White Monkey.
Part of mastering martial arts is training through discomfort. Serious injuries? No. You need to heal. But you’ll have to train through the normal muscle pain that comes from exercise, and the minor scrapes, bumps and bruises that accompany realistic practice. So Mettlecraft is going to contain reviews and recommendations of liniments, balms, and oils that are helpful for warming up, staying loose, relieving pain, etc.
One of my favorites is White Monkey Holding Peach Balm. This is one of my favorite products, and one of my favorite product names. “Heel-Tastic“? How lame! Why not call it something awesome like ‘Dulcet Mountain Silk Unction,’ or ‘Feather on Seventh Cloud Stick?’ Either of those would be way catchier, am I right? But I digress.
This stuff contains 3% Methyl Salicylate (about one fifth what you’d find in Ben-Gay) so it isn’t an effective pain relief rub. What it’s great for is warming up and staying loose. Rub it into tight and tender muscles before and after you work out — but if you are going to wrestle or grapple, make sure you don’t have any on exposed places where your partners might get it in eyes!
It also comes in handy for relieving headaches (put a dab on each temple and chill in your recliner) and for opening your nose after getting hit in the face. A few hours later, when the swelling sets in and your face feels like a block of cement, a tiny dab in the little divot above you upper lip (a.k.a. your philtrum) does the trick.
White Monkey Holding Peach Balm also contains Camphor, Menthol, Eucalyptus oil, Cinnamon oil, Peppermint oil, and Clove oil. Think of it as Tiger Balm’s big brother from Thailand. It works better, smells great, goes on creamier, and costs far less. I bet your local Asian market has some.
Enjoy it safely. Don’t get it in your eyes or expose it to mucous membranes, and keep out of reach of children.
I teach free of charge through Heritage Arts , a 501(c)(3) educational charity offering free or donation-only classes related to martial arts, fitness, outdoor skills, and spiritual development. Distance learning programs available. Visit the Heritage Arts website to find out more, or click here to join the Heritage Self-Defense group on Facebook.
What is Heritage Rough ‘n’ Tumble? It’s mind-body-spirit form of American Rough ‘n’ Tumble, which began as a manner of no-holds-barred fighting in the Southern Virginia backcountry during the Colonial Era and has since grown, evolved, and adapted to the realities of modern self-defense. An amalgam of the varying techniques brought to America by colonists from all over the world, blended with the fighting methods of the over 900 distinct indigenous tribes, American Rough ‘n’ Tumble is perhaps the world’s most fearsome martial art.
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