100 Squats, 50 Pushups, Sprint 1/2 mile

100 Squats, 50 Pushups, Sprint 1/2 mile @cabal_fang #WOD

What I Learned from the U2 Debacle

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Something dawned on me that kinda slipped my mind for a minute.

I learn things and then I forget them and I then I relearn them again.  There’s this pattern [I catch myself sounding like Bush, I gulp and spit mouthwash].

Some weird thing happens, and that reminds me of stuff I already know and then I re-learn stuff.  This happened the other day when the whole U2 debacle unfolded.   Nico Lang, with withering aplomb, summed it up over at Salon:  “Bono has spent the last three and a half decades trying to get everyone to like him, but the greatest PR coup he could ever pull is to finally stop caring.”

Reality check.  Lately I’ve been drifting into people-pleaser territory, and that ain’t me.  So I hit myself in the head with that Salon article and instituted a course correction.

I’m never going to be the world’s most popular writer.  My novels are weird and hard to categorize by any clear genre, my martial arts stuff combines the extremely practical with the esoteric (which probably annoys the hard martial artists as well as the soft), and my ‘zines are more produced, and have a completely different vibe, than the ones everybody else shows up with at zinefests.

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I detest blind patriotism and when I hear “America, wrong or right!” I get hives. But I think Captain America is a bad-ass super-hero and I feel like the USA is a pretty cool country when she’s hitting on most of her cylinders.

My politics are a 50/50 mix of Deep Green Anarchy and Libertarianism, so I piss off almost everyone I talk to that subject.  I wretch at blind patriotism; yet I love Captain America and I still think America at her best  is friggin’ awesome.

As for religion, I’ve practiced several (Christianity, LDS, Buddhism, Taoism, Shamanism, Wicca).  Eventually I turned away from the idea of adhering to a faith and became a simple mystic with an appreciation for Qabalah.  I’m pretty sure this paragraph contains enough to piss off 2/3 of the entire planet.

And so on.

I gotta be me.  I knew this, I just needed the U2 debacle to signal that I was headed off course.  Conformity has a lot of gravitational pull.  Sometimes you have to check your gauges and make sure you aren’t drifting.

My Shop Rag (and a freebie)

red rag pocketAwhile back I wrote a post at the Hulltown 360 blog about a little epiphany I had concerning the humble, red shop rag.  Dodge over there and read the details if you want, but the upshot is that I now carry a red shop rag in my back pocket at all times.

My red shop rag symbolizes a practical, get-things-done attitude.  It says that I’m not too good to get in there and get my hands dirty.  It says I came to work, not stand around and run my mouth.  Nothing ticks me off more than lollygagging (especially when people want to stand around and talk martial arts theory ad nauseum, but don’t want to put in a damned mouthpiece and get a sweat on).  As you can tell, I feel pretty strongly about it.

wpid-20140921_062549.jpgThat’s why I decided to give away a free shop rag with every order at my webstore First one’s free, extras are $1.00 each.  You can clean up a spill, check your oil, wipe away sweat, blow your nose, stuff like that.

And wherever you go, it sends the message that you didn’t show up just to screw off.

 

 

 

 

 

Star Trek and the New Dark Age

People don’t refer to the Middle Ages as the “Dark Ages” as frequently as they used to.  I guess we figured out that things weren’t as dark as we previously thought or something.  Still, I hope we can all grasp the concept of a “dark age” metaphorically.  And if we think about it for more than thirty seconds, we can see that we’re in a dark age right now.

That’s right, I said it.  We’re in a New Dark Age.

Okay, it’s true that there was some light in the Dark Ages, just as there is some light in the New Dark Age.  I’m talking about an over-arching theme here, not writing a doctoral thesis.  As Dr. McCoy would say, “I’m a writer not a History professor.”

Star Trek is a great way to frame my theme because that show was a bright and shiny view of the future.  Gene Roddenberry (the show’s creator, in case you were raised under a rock) thought that things were going to be so bright we’d all have to wear shades.  I think he saw people waking up to the evils of racism and protesting the Vietnam War, saw all the technological advances and the booming space program, and he thought that we really were at the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

But the reality is that we are like the tribbles in Star Trek, the little creatures who fucked their brains out and then starved to death in a storage container full of grain.  We continue to multiply on an overpopulated world and, though we’re steeped in mind-boggling technological advancements, we’re starved for intellectual nutrition and meaning.

We’re camping in line for a week to get the new iPhone, but there are no lines forming to get 40 acres and mule at the new Mars colony so we can ease population pressure here.  Nobody’s pre-ordering that new cheap, easily installed hyper-insulation for their existing home, or even standing on queue to ride that new super-efficient mass transit system, because those things haven’t been invented yet.  World saving isn’t sexy and it doesn’t pay.  Not like app-cloning, social media development, and stock brokering do.  I guess that’s why so many of our promising young minds are headed to Silicon Valley and Wall Street.

In Roddenberry’s day we were dreaming of the stars, planning our first manned space shot, and thinking of going to the Moon.  We were evolving spiritually too.  New Age philosophy was drawing its first breath and Wicca was starting to take off.  The Unitarian Universalist Church formed in ’61.  Minds were opening up to new possibilities.  Things were looking up.

Fifty years later: the space program is abandoned and we’re mired in endless wars.  We’re getting dumber and dumber every year.  We’ve literally and metaphorically given up on trying to “explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations.”  We’re no longer seeking out new worlds inner or outer, no longer trying to find new lives and new civilizations here or elsewhere.  Like the Roman Emperor Nero, we’re fiddling on electric devices while the earth burns, reducing communication to 6 seconds and/or 140 characters, and cracking each other up in the Reddit r/atheism thread.

What we need is a new Renaissance.  We ushered one in before and we can do it again.  In the ’60s the saying was “Turn on, tune in, drop out.”  In the 10s it should be “Turn off (the gadgets), tune in, drop out.”  If we wake up and get our butts in gear, that should be no tribble at all.

Walk 1 hour @cabal_fang #WOD

Walk 1 hour @cabal_fang #WOD

This is how I did it

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This is me, aged 53, with 11% body fat. If you’re an old fart like me the program works. If you’re younger, it’ll work even better.

My 48-page booklet is called “CUT! How to Lose Weight and Get the Muscle Definition You Always Wanted” and you can get it for just $5.99.

(Damn I hate commercials, and really hate to put them on this blog, but baby needs a new pair of shoes…)

I could’ve padded it with 50,000 words of blah-blah-blah, turned into a fancy DVD program or download, etc.  But I didn’t.  I kept it short — and priced it low — because I want every Dick, Jane, Pat and Tracy to be able to enjoy and afford it.

No insane workouts, no weird food, no bull crap.  If my dried up old ass can do it, you can too.

 

 

Take this list and love it

RVA Zinefest is coming, and I have a table. Be there. Aloha!

Richmond Zine Fest's avatarRichmond Zine Fest

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We’re thrilled with the number of people who have registered to celebrate our 8th Annual Richmond Zine Fest!

Start making your plans for which tables you must visit now with our page listing the name, descriptions, and websites (when provided) of our current exhibitors. This list will continue to be updated as more folks register… there’s still time to register and have your name and zine added to the roster!

This year we will have buttons for exhibitors, volunteers, and attendees in addition to a Richmond Zine Fest t-shirt designed by Mara Hyman! October 4th is just around the corner….

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AMRAYC in 10 mins of Knuckle pushups 25,

AMRAYC in 10 mins of Knuckle pushups 25, Goblet Squats #20, Kung Fu Curls #20 @cabal_fang #WOD

Solo Ground-fighting Conditioners

I’ve posted both of these routines before, but they bear repeating.  These are particularly good for folks who don’t get a chance to wrestle/grapple on a regular basis.  Complete either of these once a week or so and so that you won’t be totally out of shape for some mat work when the chance arises.

10 Min. Solo Ground-fighting Conditioner #1

Set timer for two minutes and take as few few 12 second breaks as possible:

1.    Circle the bag: Forearms on bag and toes on floor are only points of contact.  Circle the bag using only legs and feet, alternating directions, until the timer beeps.

2.    Mount the bag: Strike 10 times as hard as you can. Body lock the bag, barrel-roll, regain mount, and repeat until the timer beeps.

3.    Roll the bag: Lay on your back with heavy-bag perpendicularly on top of your body.  Roll it up and down across torso, pushing and pulling like a rolling pin.  From time to time, press up the bag and let it drop on your torso to maintain your tolerance for the stresses of wrestling.  Continue for entire round.

4.    Defend the bag: Lay on your back with back on top of you longways.  Push up the bag w/ left hand and strike it five times with the right, then switch and strike with the left hand.  Repeat for two minutes.

5.    Side Mount the bag: Scissor legs each direction 3 times, then scramble over bag with forearms and toes only.  Repeat.  When the timer beeps, you’re done.

10 Min. Solo Ground-fighting Conditioner #2

Set timer for 10 minutes and complete as many cycles as you can before the timer beeps, taking as few 12 second breaks as possible:

1.    Mount the bag and strike it 10 times as hard as you can.

2.    Body lock the bag, barrel-roll to bottom position, and knee boost bag.

3.    Re-mount the bag and 360 barrel-roll to top position.  Roll back in the opposite direction to regain mount and start over at #1.

CUT! How to Lose Weight and Get the Muscle Definition You Always Wanted

Okay kids, after months of testing, documenting, writing, and editing, it’s finally ready — my program for losing weight and shedding fat.  It’s called CUT! How to Lose Weight and Get the Muscle Definition You Always Wanted.

Don’t be fooled by the kitschy, comic-book-styled artwork.  This is the real deal.  Follow this program and you will get the lean body you want — no extreme workouts, no insanity, no mail-order food, no expensive equipment.  Just sensible food and realistic exercise.

I am uniquely qualified to write on this subject because I used to tip the scales at over 230 pounds.   If you want to hear the long, sad tale you can read on.  If you don’t, and you want to trust me, then head on over and buy a copy.

It works.

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How I Went From Fat to Fit

I had been chubby since middle school. The older I got the heavier I got, and while I had always hated being fat and out of shape, I had never been able to summon up with the discipline to change. Fortunately a couple of things happened that pushed me in a new direction. Both of them, inexplicably and coincidentally, happened in my car.

The first event occurred in the early 1980s. I don’t remember the exact year, just that I was in my early twenties and I was driving home from a sales trip. A shooting pain in my chest forced me to pull off the road. It quickly subsided, and I was able to finish the drive, but it scared me half to death. I went straight to the doctor. After a physical exam and some lab tests the doctor informed me that I had not had a heart attack – that was relief – but he added the following:

“Relax Mr. Mitchell. There’s nothing wrong with you that isn’t wrong with half of the men in North America. You’re grossly obese and you have the body of a man twice your age. Just keep doing what you’re doing and you won’t make 50.” He handed me some pamphlets about weight loss and he was gone.  Somehow his sarcasm was more searing, and more scary, than the pain in my chest had been.

I started trying to diet and work out, but it was slow going and I hated it. There was nothing about the process of dieting or working out that was anything other than miserable.

One day I was driving to an appointment and got stuck in traffic. It was hot, the air conditioning was blowing tepid air in my idling car, and I was desperate to get to my destination on time. The car was literally a pressure cooker, and it was just too much for me to handle. So I proceeded to throw a childish fit, complete with screaming, swearing, and pounding of the steering wheel.
“Come on people, just go! What are you doing? It’s the pedal on the right that makes your car go you stupid…”

I don’t know why, but at some point during my idiotic tantrum I realized that it was nobody’s fault but mine that I was late. The people in the cars in front of me were just like me. From there I came to the inescapable conclusion that I was sick. I did not have a multitude of problems – a weight problem, a patience problem, a temper problem, and so on – what I had was a one big problem, a massive mental problem centering around low self-esteem. This central problem resulted in ill health, poor discipline, and all of the other issues I’ve already mentioned, plus a heaping helping of monetary problems and relationship problems.

It’s hard to be a decent employee, husband, father, and friend when you’re an irascible prick who hates himself. You spend all your time trying to prove you amount to something when you really don’t. Your subconscious mind knows you’re worthless as all hell, but your rational mind can’t except that. The imbalance between those two moving parts soon begins to shake the machine to pieces.

Somehow, as I slid down a terrifying slope into a life of complete failure, I managed to put on the brakes. I reached out in desperation for something that would help. I had heard that martial arts were good for discipline and weight loss, and I knew myself well enough to know that if I was going to work out, I would have to find an activity. Running and lifting weights were just too boring.
I walked into a Korean Karate school so fat that I could barely tie my crispy white uniform shut around my waist. I had never played a sport in high school, let alone college, and I could not even do a single Push-up. I loved it though. It was fun. Fun that is until my exam for yellow belt.

The school was full of people. Students, parents, and friends gathered to see both children and adults take their tests. When it was my turn I stepped to the center of the mat in front of everyone. I did okay until it was time to demonstrate my form. I had only a couple of dozen movements to execute, but I blanked out. I couldn’t remember a single technique. The room seemed as quiet as a meat packing plant at midnight. There I hung in the silence, a hundred eyes waiting to cut me up into steaks.

For the first time in my life I found myself in a situation I could not bullshit my way out of.   Before then, whenever I got in a jam, I could always flash a smile and borrow some money, convince a lover not leave me or a friend not to ditch me, tell a believable lie to get my way, make an excuse and keep my job, or beg for extra credit so I could pass a class. But the faces of the black belts behind that long table in front of me said that there was nothing I could do but demonstrate my skills. This was pass or fail. No excuses. No bullshit.

The school had a wall of mirrors along one side, and in those mirrors I saw myself clearly for the first time. I was a crappy father, a worthless husband, an unreliable friend, and a lackluster employee. Everything that I had previously told myself about myself was a lie. And now I was about to prove that I was an awful martial arts student as well.

Something inside me welled up and I managed to turn on the lights inside my head. I completed the first movement and the rest followed in succession. I passed the exam and got my yellow belt – a yellow belt that is more precious to me than the black belt I got three years later. That was the day I started rebuilding myself from the ground up. I decided that I was going to be the best father, husband, friend, and employee that I could possibly be, and that I would never again fail to look at myself the mirror without flinching.

If you are a fat, miserable, unhealthy person in your mind and in your body there is only one thing you can do. Look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate yourself without fear. Make a decision, today, right now, this very moment, that you are going to change.

Look at yourself hard, without the candy coating. No more lies, no more excuses, no more bullshit. See that person? That’s what you were thirty seconds ago.

But not anymore.