Category Archives: Writing

Some Helpful Tips and Facts and Your WOD

Posted on September 25, 2015 | Leave a comment

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Here’s a grab bag of miscellany for a Friday — the Workout of the Day is at the bottom.

1)  Since I stopped using Swedish snus (spitless tobacco) I have been hungry.  How hungry?  Ravenous.  At all times.  Yes, I know that hunger in the wake of nicotine withdrawal is a known and predictable phenomenon, but being prepared isn’t nearly as helpful as you might think  (he said, gnawing on the corner of his desk like a Labrador Retriever).

B) “Life is an ever-unfolding process of becoming,”  says Maria Popova, the brain behind brainpickings.org,  “a continual process of arrival into who we are.”  Yesterday on the way to work I listened to her answer ten questions on Tim Ferris’ podcast and I was blown away by her intelligence, wit, and charm.  But what really really impressed me was her wisdom.  Her favorite book is The Journals of Henry David Thoreau.  I think I’m in love.  I follow her blog, I follow her on Twitter @brainpicker, and pretty soon I’m going to be following her around town (just kidding Maria!).

iii) Some folks say Tim Ferris is all snake oil and pop bullshit, but I disagree — he’s only 50% snake oil and pop bullshit. The rest is a mixture of the useful and the profound. This article about beating anxiety is very interesting and insightful, and I’ll be heeding some of its advice.

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Now for your WOD.  I call it the Chain Constitutional.  Put a chain around your neck  (I used a #20) and complete 4 x 10 each of  the following exercises:

  1. Wide Push-ups
  2. Staggered Push-ups
  3. Front Lunges
  4. Prisoner Squats
  5. Steam Engines
  6. Sit-ups
  7. Neck Crunches

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New Art, Richmond Zinefest, KOBO, etc.

Posted on September 22, 2015 | Leave a comment

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I’ll be rolling out a couple of new products at Richmond Zinefest this year. Instead of coming right out and telling you what they are, I’ll just tease you with some of the preliminary sketches and give you a hint: one of the products is a mini booklet and the other is an 11″ x 17″ fitness poster.

If you’d like to see and/or purchase these new products, or if you’d simply like to take the opportunity to pie me in the face, shake my hand, or demand a refund or autograph, please do stop by my table at Richmond Zinefest on October 1oth at the main branch of the Richmond Public Library, 101 East Franklin Street.

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So check this out: The Calisthenics Codex has taken off over on KOBO. Its sitting at #3 under its subject, and some nice person gave me a 4-star review. Thanks nice person!  It’s so much more fun to write stuff that people actually read and enjoy.

As an artist you have to just go “Oh well,” and keep producing.  I put a ton of work into three novels that barely get read.  But I can’t let that get me down — I just have to say “Oh well,” and trust that someday tinder will take spark and they’ll go poof.  You can’t look down.  If you look down you’ll fall.

I really think that one of my secrets to success in life has been this:

I’m too hardheaded, or just plain stupid, to know when I’m beat.  So I just keep coming out for the bell instead of staying on the stool where I belong and, eventually, I win a few fights by sheer determination and luck.

Might not be the most brilliant plan, but it’s all I got.  I just keep on swinging.

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10 Fun Nicotine-Fueled Facts About Life, Death, and Stupidity

Posted on September 15, 2015 | Leave a comment
This is a tobacco substitute made of coffee. How cool is that?

This is a tobacco substitute made of coffee. How cool is that?

I gave up snus on 8/29.  I’m on day 18 without nicotine and my brain chemistry is still jacked all to hell. I have no focus, my sense of time is skewed, and all I want to do is sleep.

And that’s an improvement.  Thank heaven I’ve moved beyond the stage that I like to call the “Wouldn’t It Be Nice To Strangle Something Beautiful and Watch It Die Stage.”

They say it can take up to six months for brain chemistry to normalize after quitting nicotine.

Wonderful.

Anyway, I usually find “fun facts” and other internet dribble a complete bore.  But, perhaps owing to the altered brain chemistry aforementioned, I was very entertained by the gunk I have pasted below.

Worry not.  My head will be back to normal soon and I’ll be posting interesting, original content once more.  Wait a minute, I wasn’t normal before, so maybe I won’t be normal soon.  But I’ll probably be back to what passes for normal on my cockeyed spectrum.  I hope that’ll do.

10 FUN FACTS

  1. Death is the No. 1 killer in the world.
  2. Life is sexually transmitted.
  3. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  4. Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
  5. Give someone a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach them to use the Internet and they will not bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
  6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
  7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  8. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it look normal.
  9. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
  10. “The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” ~Alexander Dumas, fils

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Plugging in and Shorting Out on Kim Davis

Posted on September 9, 2015 | Leave a comment

After spending a week at the beach, unplugged from all electronics, I am back and ready to knock your socks off.  Social media and gadgets are useful, but being plugged in 24/7 does things to your brain.  If you’ve never unplugged from all phones, tablets, and computers for a full week, I challenge you to do so.  You’ll be glad you did.

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Recent painting I completed of a Remington Portable typewriter, Model #1, manufactured in 1921.

Since I was totally unplugged, there are no cool pictures from the trip.  All I can offer you is a shot of one the paintings I completed — see picture on the right.  If you’d like to buy the painting, come to Richmond Zinefest on October 10th and it’ll be on my table with pretty frame around it and $25.00 price tag on it.

Anyway, the first thing that wallops me in the face when I plug back in is this whole Kim Davis affair, which really peeved me out.  For the people who aren’t sure how they’re supposed to feel about Ms. Davis, let me set you straight.

Ms. Davis is not an admirable hero defending religious freedom, or even a plucky little guy giving the finger to the man.  She is just another toady in service of the bullying majority.

For once and for all people, let’s get this straight.   Denying rights to minorities — like refusing marriage licences to same sex couples, denying voter registration cards to black people, refusing medical service to people who are HIV positive, and so on — is not heroic or admirable. 

Majorities don’t need rights because they’re the fricking majority.   It’s the minorities who need our protection.  It’s what rights are actually for.

Now I drop my mic and leave the stage.  I think I’d rather be unplugged.

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Unplugging for a Vacation

Posted on August 28, 2015 | 1 comment
This rainbow popped up after a storm last week. I sat at the stop sign, rolled down the window, and snapped this shot.

This rainbow popped up after a storm last week. I sat at a stop sign, rolled down the window, and snapped this shot.

Next week there will be no posts.  I’m going on vacation, and I’m unplugging from all electronic devices for the full seven days.  If you aren’t doing this at least once a year, I highly recommend giving it a try.  I have the most amazing insights and creative ideas whenever I unplug.

Sure, unplugging for just a day or two is cool, but it takes a couple of days for your brain to settle into a different rhythm.  Do it for a whole week or more to get the maximum benefit.

Same goes for working out.  Twice a year minimum, please do yourself a favor and take a full week of rest.  Don’t workout at all and eat whatever you want for a whole week.  If you aren’t taking at least two weeks off each year you are over-training.

Now for the Cabal Fang WOD.

Dumbbell HIIT: Set timer for rounds of :40/:10 and select two dumbbells of appropriate weight (I used #10 and I weigh in at #138).  Complete 6 sets of the following exercises , completing as many as you can for :40 and resting for :10. Pump Curls, Squats, Plank Rows, Lunges, and Squat Presses (that’s 30 rounds, a total of 20 minutes).

Be back in a week!

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Houseplant Tips for Horticultural Rubes

Posted on August 25, 2015 | Leave a comment

wpid-20150825_085155.jpgDespite the fact that I’m  a horticultural rube, I have lovely plants in my office (if I do say so myself).

The only thing I have going for me are my bush-craft skills.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending a ton of time in woods and wild places is that you look for plants in places where they like to be.  Look for Mint where it’s moist and partly sunny, Dandelion and White Man’s Foot in full sun by roadsides, and so on.  It’s all about the real estate.  Location, location, location.

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Instead of buying gravel for the bottom of your pots, try putting a coffee filter in there. For me, seems to work way better than gravel.

So, tip #1: “Select plants suited to the environment.”  Examine the spot where you want to put a plant.  Does the temperature fluctuate a great deal?  How much sun does it get?  My office stays a constant 70° F and gets only filtered fluorescent light.  I have particularly great luck with Pothos, Philodendron, Spiderwort (Tradescantia pallida), Snake Plant, and Arrowhead (Syngonium podophyllum).  If your office gets a little more light, like maybe a sunny window, you might try a Spider Plant (Chlorophytum comosum).

Tip #2:  “Don’t over water.”  I would say that over watering is the single worst thing you can do.  For years I’ve been watering my plants only on Thursdays.  Works great.

Tip #3: “If all else fails, buy a Snake Plant (Sansevieria trifasciata).”  If you kill it, give up and get fake plants.

If you want to get just a weensy bit more technical, or you want more ideas, here’s a solid article from Better Homes and Gardens called 24 of the Easiest Houseplants You Can Grow.

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High Clouds, Low Kicks

Posted on August 20, 2015 | Leave a comment

wpid-20150819_170226.jpgDriving home from work last night, the sky was amazing.  I felt as though I could roll down the window, unclip my seatbelt, slide out the window, and soar like a blue jay into swirling clouds illuminated by the sun.

Are birds not angels?  If a bird were to come and light upon our hand and allow us to caress its wing, could we smell the dew of the heavenly clouds or taste the electricity of coming storms?  What unknowable, mysterious and majestic secrets must the songbird know?

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wpid-20150820_072426.jpgThis morning’s Cabal Fang Workout of the Day:

Dumbbells: 4 x 15 of Military Press, Two-handed Squat Press, Two-handed Triceps Extension, Front Lunge, Swing-throughs.

350 Low Kicks (with full power and good form):  75 Lead Roundhouse, 75 Rear Roundhouse, 50 Lead Sidekick, 50 Rear Sidekick, 50 Lead Chassé Frontal, 50 Rear Chassé Frontal.   I strapped a heavy bag to my forging post with hand wraps and Karate belts.  The lower of the two red hand wraps marks the sweet spot just over knee height.

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Super Cool News: Pentagons, Coffee, Islam, Bernie, and a WOD

Posted on August 19, 2015 | Leave a comment

First a magnificent miscellany of super cool news:

Now for your Cabal Fang workout of the day, one that’s a little more of a slow burn than the usual all-out ball-buster (I told you I was going to dial down the intensity a little).

PTDICE Half Pyramid‡ to 9 of: Steam Engines, Fist Push-ups, Back Crunches, Zombie Squats, Staggered Push-ups, Twisters, Regular Squats (this should take about 19 minutes).

Heavy Bag Half Pyramids: 5 x 3:00/1:00: Each round complete as many sequences as you can of 1 punch, 2 punches, 3,4,5, etc. up to 9 followed immediately by 1 kick, 2 kicks, 3,4,5, etc. up to 9 (dis-including the last 1: 00 break, this will take 19 minutes also).

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See the training DVD in the background?  I had the chance to train with Mssr. Dubreuil a few years back and it was a real treat. He’s a wizard with a stick and a true gentleman.

A Half Pyramid is 1 of each, 2 of each, 3 of each, etc. up to the max count. A Half Pyramid to 9 is a total of 45 exercises. Where p = the peak, the formula is p(p+1)/2.  In this case, that would be 9(9+1)/2 = 45.  Math is super cool.

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Wine Bottle Guitar Slide

Posted on August 17, 2015 | 3 comments

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Yesterday was a productive day. It had to be.  Because, before I could do the fun stuff, I had to get my chores done.

It was Sunday so, as usual, I slept in till 6:00 instead of getting up at 5:00. I got my writing quota done over coffee (a few hundred words on a booklet I’m going to be selling on PTDICE.COM that’ll be called “52 Fit-up: How-to Get Fit with an Ordinary Deck of Cards”).

Then I took the plunger upstairs and unplugged the sink in the main bathroom.  Didn’t know about the clog until my wife told me last night right before bed.  I always use the master bath.

imageNext I installed a fancy new sink sprayer in the kitchen.

Felt hungry, so I had breakfast and more coffee while watching some news on the boob-tube. I resolved a year ago not to watch TV news because it kills my creativity and its a waste of time, but sometimes I slip.

Went out, edged the yard and cut the grass. Threw the rechargeable weed-eater in the truck, zipped down to the park, and trimmed up the area where my martial arts club meets. They cut the grass out there once a month, but they never edge.

Chores done, I came home, drank water, and ate a bag of roasted peanuts. Now for the arts and crafts – making a guitar slide from the neck of a wine bottle!  The actual bottle I cut was clear glass.  For better visibility I used a blue bottle in the pictures below.

First I built a quik’n’dirty jig to hold the bottle and the glass cutter. Notice how I made the arm long enough to be able to put a big rubber band on the end. I figured that would approximate firm hand pressure.

The jig worked like a charm. The bottle projected out the back just enough for me to be able to turn it with my right hand while holding it down with my left. Turned it until it was scored to the depth of the cutter and all scritching sounds ceased.

Once it was scored, I heated the neck over a candle flame for thirty seconds and plunged it into a cup of ice water just like this guy did. As predicted, it cracked right along the scored area. One light tap and the neck fell right off. Emory paper took care of the nasty edges (a palm sander made this easier).

If you try this at home, wear eye protection.

All chores and crafts done by 2:00 pm.  Only one thing left to do — a nap in the recliner before dinner, of course.

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Grandkid Playdoh Madness

Posted on August 15, 2015 | Leave a comment

Last night was playtime with the grandkids. Grandma said we played for over an hour, but it seemed more like fifteen minutes. Doesn’t get much more fun than this! For some reason the boys kept making angry faces for the camera. What’s up with that?

(In the pictures below, I’m the one with the glasses. My granddaughter made the amazing ice cream cup, my grandsons the pizza and milk shake, and I made the Spongebob characters.)

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